Liza J. Kaplan: DateLife NYC

Warning: May be inappropriate for anyone in earshot
Dating is tough for a gal in the city
Cuz brains aren't enough and most guys just ain't pretty.
So let's get down to details both nitty and gritty,
And you'll see that it needn't always seem so shitty.

Though most guys aren't cute,
The numbers are ample
And it's less overwhelming to start with a sample.
So let's check out some options on becoming a twosome,
(And if that doesn't work you can always just screw some.)

With a click and a drag of your mouse you'll find guys,
Though some things are better off left to surprise.

As he sheds off his screenname of BigJew4You,
You choke back the tears as you try not to spew.
He's a bit of a freak, it is sad but it's true,
But the real horror is that you know you're one too.
So to see if your true personalities mesh,
It's safer to meet face to face, in the flesh.

When you discover there're choices there's always speed-dating,
Some guys are exciting, while some leave you hating.
But it's all in good fun with the prospect of mating,
It can be quite interesting. Translation: degrading.

Though there are many men on the streets of New York,
He might not keep kosher, aka-he eats pork,
But unless you are ready for a wedding and a stork,
You'll be lucky to find one who knows how to fork.

Though it sometimes feels hopeless, that just isn't so,
Remember that each trial helps you to grow,
So until your Prince Charming rides in on that horse,
Enjoy the adventure though it may seem off course.

Still it's true that dating is often quite scary,
Some young guys are bald, while others are hairy.
Neither of which you are dying to marry,
'Specially if he's 'friends' with a Tom, Dick or Larry.

So beware of speed dating and the internet site,
And believe me dear ladies, I too take this plight,
So until you should stumble upon Mr. Right,
Happy Dating to all, and to all a good fright!

Source: DateLife NYC

Funny Poem: Stretching the Truth

Have you heard any funny poems? How funny is it? Is it with sense? (Laughing…) I hope so! Well, I was browsing the net yesterday afternoon and found some funny poems. I can’t say it was really funny but somehow if you really interpret it in a deepest way, it’ll mean something.

I’ll post one now and SOME soon…

Here,

It was 1541, or perhaps a later hour,
When Francis Dereham was taken to London's famous Tower.
He'd been a naughty boy for Katherine Howard he had "known":
Not a clever thing to do with her husband on the throne.

Henry The Eighth was pretty cross and almost lost all reason
And said the Queen would have to go for having committed treason.
But proof was what was needed and it couldn't all be bought
So Dereham was arrested and his confession keenly sought.

He was taken to the torture room and tied upon the rack
And the creaking wheels were turned until they'd taken up the slack.
The rack master then smiled at him, a smile that wasn't sweet,
Then he took a goose's feather and tickled both his feet.

He burnt poor Dereham with heated irons and gouged out both his eyes
But no confession could he get, much to his surprise.
He turned the wheels some more, there was a tearing noise and then
Dereham who'd been five-feet-two was almost five-feet-ten.

But still they couldn't break the man, no matter what they tried,
Until it was the rack master who just broke down and cried.
Then Henry came along to see if confession time was near
And having heard the problem he whispered in Dereham's ear.

The young man listened quietly and then suddenly confessed
And the rack master stared and said, "Well now, I'll be blessed,"
"Your Highness, that was brilliant but just what did you say?"
"I said he could change places with you for one whole day."

Source: Stretching the Truth

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