Liza J. Kaplan: DateLife NYC

Warning: May be inappropriate for anyone in earshot
Dating is tough for a gal in the city
Cuz brains aren't enough and most guys just ain't pretty.
So let's get down to details both nitty and gritty,
And you'll see that it needn't always seem so shitty.

Though most guys aren't cute,
The numbers are ample
And it's less overwhelming to start with a sample.
So let's check out some options on becoming a twosome,
(And if that doesn't work you can always just screw some.)

With a click and a drag of your mouse you'll find guys,
Though some things are better off left to surprise.

As he sheds off his screenname of BigJew4You,
You choke back the tears as you try not to spew.
He's a bit of a freak, it is sad but it's true,
But the real horror is that you know you're one too.
So to see if your true personalities mesh,
It's safer to meet face to face, in the flesh.

When you discover there're choices there's always speed-dating,
Some guys are exciting, while some leave you hating.
But it's all in good fun with the prospect of mating,
It can be quite interesting. Translation: degrading.

Though there are many men on the streets of New York,
He might not keep kosher, aka-he eats pork,
But unless you are ready for a wedding and a stork,
You'll be lucky to find one who knows how to fork.

Though it sometimes feels hopeless, that just isn't so,
Remember that each trial helps you to grow,
So until your Prince Charming rides in on that horse,
Enjoy the adventure though it may seem off course.

Still it's true that dating is often quite scary,
Some young guys are bald, while others are hairy.
Neither of which you are dying to marry,
'Specially if he's 'friends' with a Tom, Dick or Larry.

So beware of speed dating and the internet site,
And believe me dear ladies, I too take this plight,
So until you should stumble upon Mr. Right,
Happy Dating to all, and to all a good fright!

Source: DateLife NYC

Funny Poem: Stretching the Truth

Have you heard any funny poems? How funny is it? Is it with sense? (Laughing…) I hope so! Well, I was browsing the net yesterday afternoon and found some funny poems. I can’t say it was really funny but somehow if you really interpret it in a deepest way, it’ll mean something.

I’ll post one now and SOME soon…

Here,

It was 1541, or perhaps a later hour,
When Francis Dereham was taken to London's famous Tower.
He'd been a naughty boy for Katherine Howard he had "known":
Not a clever thing to do with her husband on the throne.

Henry The Eighth was pretty cross and almost lost all reason
And said the Queen would have to go for having committed treason.
But proof was what was needed and it couldn't all be bought
So Dereham was arrested and his confession keenly sought.

He was taken to the torture room and tied upon the rack
And the creaking wheels were turned until they'd taken up the slack.
The rack master then smiled at him, a smile that wasn't sweet,
Then he took a goose's feather and tickled both his feet.

He burnt poor Dereham with heated irons and gouged out both his eyes
But no confession could he get, much to his surprise.
He turned the wheels some more, there was a tearing noise and then
Dereham who'd been five-feet-two was almost five-feet-ten.

But still they couldn't break the man, no matter what they tried,
Until it was the rack master who just broke down and cried.
Then Henry came along to see if confession time was near
And having heard the problem he whispered in Dereham's ear.

The young man listened quietly and then suddenly confessed
And the rack master stared and said, "Well now, I'll be blessed,"
"Your Highness, that was brilliant but just what did you say?"
"I said he could change places with you for one whole day."

Source: Stretching the Truth

1

Love Online

Love chatting? How about registering on different dating sites just to meet someone? How you ever imagine yourself having boyfriend/girlfriend online? Will the relationship grows? Let us all read the story of Megan, 28 years old.

I am a 28 yr old divorced female. Although, I have been divorced for 6 years, my dating life has been a nightmare. I was meeting guys in all types of ways, and have had a lot of heartache. I have often wondered if I was ever going to find anyone again. My past relationships have been both verbally & physically abusive. I had just about given up, when I was stumbling through the personal ads online, and came across an ad from a guy that lived 10 minutes away from me. His photo & ad caught my eye, so I decided to give him a try. After exchanging a few emails, he called me and we met and went out. I have come to find out, our fathers' have known each other for over 10 years, and we have been crossing paths for sometime now. He is the sweetest, most romantic guy I have ever known, from opening my car door, to bringing me roses. We are now inseparable. For anyone out there who is thinking about giving up on meeting their special someone... good things come to those who wait!

Yes, it’s really true. Don’t lose hope. Just learn to wait. As the saying goes. “The more you wait for someone, the better the person.”

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A Place in BabyG's Heart

Heartbroken, after my first love left me, I thought that I would never be able to love anyone the same way ever again. Everything reminded me of him. I didn't want anyone to replace him cause he meant so much to me. So, i kept myself from everyone that tried to get into my life. I lived with an emptiness for years. I thought that I wouldn't be able to feel the same way for anyone ever again but...
i met a guy... through one of my distant friends. At first I didn't want anything to have to do anything with him cause I knew I would get hurt all over again if I did. But after a while i decided to give it a try. He seemed sincere about me. I fell in love again. I was scared at first cause I didn't want to be left heartbroken again. Soon enough we were always together. I cherished every second we were together. One day... he got in an accident. I was left a lone again. It was too much for me to handle. I fell in love again. It wasn't like anything that I've experienced before. I knew where I stood with him. Then... he got locked up. I didn't see any point in going on. But I knew I had to. But there was just something about him that I couldn't let go of. Then it hit my like a rock. He took something from me that no one ever had. My heart. No matter how anyone tells me that I have to move on I can't. No matter how much I want to and how much I try. He took away my most valuable possession. My love. Now I sit here alone. Staying up at remembering everything that we ever had. That emptiness in my heart can never be filled. And no matter what he'll always have a place in my heart.

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For Men: Top Negative Body Language of Women

These are the top negative body language, signals as far as the game of flirting is concerned. Men try to sharpen your senses about these things.

- You lean towards her and she leans back from you.
- She starts turning away from you.
- She doesn't make eye contact with you.
- She folds her arms across her chest.
- She double-crosses her legs at the ankle too.
- She touches her nose often while she's with you.
- A limp or hanging hand can indicate boredom with you.
- When talking to you, she keeps glancing at other guys around her.
- She makes no effort to talk to you.
- She doesn't reply to any of your comments, doesn't answer your questions and doesn't ask you any questions. Unless she just isn't feeling good or is moody, this could indicate that she's not interested in you and that you are wasting your time.
- She just comes out and tells you to get lost, go away, go to hell, or worse. Then be assured that you are heading for the danger end. It will be better for you to leave that beauty and try looking out for a gorgeous one.

MOMENTS IN LIFE

There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real!

When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

Please send this message to those people
who mean something to you (I JUST DID);
to those who have touched your life in one way or another;
to those who make you smile when you really need it;
to those who make you see the
brighter side of things when you are really down;
to those whose friendship you appreciate;
to those who are so meaningful in your life.

If you don't send it, don't worry,
nothing bad will happen to you;
you will just miss out on the opportunity
to brighten someone's day with this message!!!

Don't count the years-count the memories...........

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away!

Stealing or Winning?

Sunday is all about resting, talking with my family members, watching DVD, playing with my nephew and sometimes, listening to music. What amazed me yesterday while lying in my own bed was that the text message of my long lost friend- Chris.

“Hi Honey. Kumusta? (“How are you?”) If you don’t mind, please help me how to win a mate’s girlfriend. I really like her and I don’t care if you call me traitor or what. But I think I’m in love with that girl. Friend, please give me some tips.”

Cases like this is very common, right? But my BIG question is- “Do you have any conscience? Can you win someone who’s your friend girlfriend/boyfriend?” Come to think of it.

Instead of winning someone who’s in a relationship, why not find someone who’s available and flirt with him or her. Yes, flirting. It’s another way of meeting potential mates and see if you’re compatible. Well, I could give you at least 8 flirting tips for now. Check this out guys!

For Women:
Remember these girls! Men are not used to women flirting with them. They would just love it IF woman would talk to them first or at least express a larger clue that you were interested in checking them out.

Tip #1: Eye contact
Remember that the first contact made with a potentially interesting person is eye contact. It’s a way of sneaking in communication that has no words. In order for that eye contact to have desired impact, it must be delivered well, with good intentions and respect.

Tip #2: Treat men gently
Now, if someone you are not interested in approaches you and flirts, too… just be nice. All other men are watching to see what you do. It’s a BIG turn off also when you laugh after he leaves or you show visual disapproval. Why? You’re cutting your chances on anyone else approaching you.

Tip #3: Smile
Give a guy a look. It could be all over from head to toe- and flash him your most winning smile.

Tip #4: Be approachable
Nobody likes an ice-queen. Force yourself to let your guard down and you’ll make yourself more approachable.

For men:
Remember these boys! To truly make your understanding with a woman successful, you need to recognize when she’s flirting with you. Women are masters of subtlety, so it’s your job to remain aware of every gesture, word, and every move she throws your way. Be attentive!

Tip #1: When a woman smiles at you
The smile is the last sign of openness and friendliness, provided that it’s genuine. If a woman shows her teeth and has that sparkle in her eye, then you can assume that she’s enjoying your company. Your only job is to keep her smiling by smiling back.

Tip #2: When a woman goes out of her way to get you to notice her
Why else would she be taking the long way? If a woman walks by your table on her way to washroom in a food shop/ coffee shop, but your table is located at the opposite of where she should go, then she’s probably interested. In addition to that, if she smiles at you on her way, then consider you job half done.

Tip #3: When a woman initiates a conversation
Taking the first step to initiate a connection with you is a sign that she’s interested. And when she tells you something like “ You remind me of someone I know,” which begs a response and successive talking, that’s a concrete sign.

Tip #4: When a woman pays you a compliment
If she throws one your way, you can pat yourself on the back. It implies that she’s attracted to you.

HAVE FUN! Flirting is a way of connecting from the heart and acknowledging someone। Be generous and keep smiling!

A SPECIAL GROCERY LIST

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face,

walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.
She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.
Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can."
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?"

Louise replied, "Yes sir."O.K" he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."
Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."
The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.
The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:
"Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store.
The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said:

"It was worth every penny of it .. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs."

Black VS Colored?

Try to read this and
let me know your response :-)

The reality is --

When
I was born, I was BLACK,
When I grew up, I was BLACK,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK,
When I was scared, I was BLACK,
When I was sick, I was BLACK,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK.

NOW, You "white" folks....

Whenyou're born, you're PINK,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN,
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE,
And when you die, you look GRAY.

So who y'all callin' COLORED folks?

50 Marraige Pointers

Heads up for these guys!
Marriage only gives greedy lawyers a chance to rob you. Agree or Disagree? Well, that’s a warning to all couples or let say to those who plan to jump into unplanned marriage. Some say, “Don’t get married”! Why? Statistics shows that over 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. If you get married you run a better than even chance that this could happen to you. Yes, marriage isn’t what you think it is. But it depends… still, there are 50% of marriages are together and unbroken.

Many marriages fail today because the people involved do not know how to show love for one another since they were brought up in a loveless relationship. Follow the following 50 Marriage Pointers to avoid misunderstanding and problems:

1. Start each day with a kiss
2. Wear your wedding ring at all times
3. Date once a week
4. Accept differences
5. Be polite
6. Be gentle
7. Give gifts
8. Smile Often
9. Touch
10. Talk about dreams
11. Choose a song that can be “your song”
12. Give back ribs
13. Laugh together
14. Send a card for no reason
15. Do what your spouse wants before being asked
16. Listen
17. Encourage
18. Do it the other’s way
19. Know your mates needs
20. Fix his (or her) favorite breakfast
21. Compliment your partner twice a day
22. Call just to say “ I Love You”
23. Slow down
24. Hold Hands
25. Cuddle
26. Ask your spouse’s opinion
27. Show respect
28. Welcome each other’s home
29. Look for the best for your mate
30. Wink at each other
31. Celebrate birthdays in a big way
32. Apologize
33. Forgive
34. Set up a romantic get away
35. Ask “what can I do to make you happier?”
36. Be positive
37. Be kind
38. Be vulnerable
39. Respond quickly to your mate’s request
40. Talk about your love
41. Reminisce about your favorite time together
42. Treat his (her) relatives & friends with courtesy
43. Send flowers every Valentines Day And Anniversary
44. Admit when you are wrong
45. Be sensitive to your mate’s sexual desire
46. Pray for him (her) daily
47. Watch sunsets together
48. Say “I Love You” frequently
49. End each day with a hug
50. Seek outside help when you need it.

Following those pointers rewards you a happy marriage. Just keep in mind also that in marriage or in a relationship, private matters (i.e. sexual relationships and finances) should be kept private. Keep you separate personalities. Respect each other’s belief system. Remember that no two people think the exact same way. Make a decision about your future together and stick to it. Loyalty and honesty with each other is also has a big points in marriage. Above all, put GOD at the center of your married life.

***Many marriages fail today because the people involved do not know how to show love for one another since they were brought up in a loveless relationship.***

**Because of the power the government gives lawyers and judges the ability to steal your stuff, and the power to make your mates life miserable should you choose to do so, being married is like living with a loaded gun sitting on the kitchen table. And once someone picks that gun up and points it at the other person, your marriage is over and your life is ruined. Because of the court system, marriage is bad for your relationship.**

smiles for you

Smiling is infectious; you catch it like a flu
when someone smiled at me today, i started smiling too.
i passed around the corner, and someone saw me grin
when he smiled i realized I'd passed it on to him
i thought about that smile then i realized its worth,
a single smile, like mine could travel around the earth.
so , if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected
let's start a epidemic quick, and get the world affected!

Some says that it’s really hard to smile when you’re in trouble. Problems perhaps make us sad and that’s the time that its really hard to smile. We can’t deny to our own self what we’re into, right? BUT we also remember that there’s no single reason for us to be sad, no matter what happens. WHY? Because we’re going to have the best thanksgiving we ever had! Even if problems are in our hands, we still have lots of blessings- life, family, friends and GOD. Please Smile :-)

CAN YOU SLEEP WHILE THE WIND BLOWS

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received A steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!" The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had
been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

Is that love or obesession?

Simple Tip:

When we don't want to let our bf/gf go away despite of knowing that the feelings of love are not present anymore, this is an obsession and NOT love. Letting go the person who doesn't love you anymore means LOVE.

In case like this, all we have to do is to really let the beloved go away if the love is out of the relationship anymore. We can't reason it into staying. Remember that we can't bribe the love or even coerce it. When time will come that it chooses to leave, then we really have to let go. We should be glad that it came for a moment in our life. Anyway, when we keep our heart open, it will surely come again and all we have to do is to wait....

A Room in My Heart

~ By Faith Hill

My heart was once just like a home
With many rooms and open doors
And I always let love in
It would change the rooms around and then
Leave them empty

'Till one by one I locked each door
And soon forgot what love was for
But I never gave up hopin'
So I left just one door open
In case you found me

So there's a room in my heart for you
If your trust has been stolen too
If you walk softly on this worn out wooden floor
And leave behind you the hurt you've had before
There's a room in my heart for you

We'll paint the walls from blue to white
And set the mood by candlelight
Together we'll keep out the cold
And I'll still be there when we're old
If you'll let me

So there's a room in my heart for you
If your trust has been stolen too
If you walk softly on this worn out wooden floor
And leave behind you the hurt you've had before There's a room in my heart for you

Listen to Love

Have you heard the song, “The Sound of Silence”? Hello darkness, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping… a song by Simon & Garfunkel. Familiar? Yes maybe. But many of us don’t know the real meaning of the song. Well, try to listen each word in the lyrics and it tells you to SPEAK OUT, not just to listen. You also need to communicate with everything else~ (whatever you think of!)

... and read this article!

Listening for Love
By Jayne Fisher

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words ‘I love you’. So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say ‘take care’ or ‘don’t drive too fast’ or ‘be good’.
But really, these are just other ways of saying ‘I love you’. ‘You are important to me’, ‘I care what happens to you, and ‘I don’t want you to get hurt’ all mean ‘I love you’. We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, I believe we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says ‘I love you’ even though the words might be saying something very different.
Any expression of a person’s concern for another says ‘I love you’. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains.
We say ‘I love you’ in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love, which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
We have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
Simon and Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, The Sound of Silence. It goes: Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence... It is a terrifying picture of our modern world, a world without communication and without love.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.
Just listen!

You...

As the sun glows in the morning,
Lonely days are fading ,
When I met you.

As the sun sets in the evening,
Sleepless nights are coming,
Thinking of you.

If tomorrow comes,
When your not in my arms,
The days and nights of mine,
Would not be fine.

Nothing would be left in me,
Emptiness, pains and misery
When you'll be sayin goodbye,
And be lost in my side.